1) I go the doctor with a particular pain and am given a daily regime to get and then stay pain free. Sure enough, I experience less and less pain. In three weeks, all the pain is gone! Two months later, pain returns.
2) My computer goes on the brink. After trying to "fix" it myself for a couple hours, I call a technician and end up getting irritated with him for walking me through a process that includes doing a lot of things I already tried. My irritation is quite evident. The problem would've been corrected much faster if steps I had already done were not repeated.
3) During a weekly meeting that has guidelines, I become frustrated that participants are not adhering to the guidelines; and I feel cheated out of hearing more relevant conversation.
4) Sometimes I feel people take advantage of things I can do, or they do not appreciate the efforts I put into voluntarily doing things for them.
Addressing the four circumstances above requires stepping back and getting into a mode of objective thinking while taking a good, hard look at my own role in each situation.
1) What really happened? I got on my high horse and made the decision to override what an expert told me to do. To make doing a few exercises that take about ten minutes a daily routine was not frivolous instruction. And yet, I compromised the routine by not exercising daily or shortening the amount time doing it. I subsequently suffered the consequences. Lesson learned: Adhere to and continuously practice good advice. Keep in mind that there are many things about which other people know more than I do.
2) Whoa! Who called whom? If I reach out for assistance, it is best to let the other person take control over how to get the anticipated result. The time it takes by doing so is less than the time I already spent trying to fix it. Lesson learned: If I ask for help with an attitude of working as a team instead of having a "me" and "you" attitude, negative feelings dissipate and are replaced with feelings of hope. Even if the problem is not corrected, at least I feel "we" gave it our best shot. I then have the option of taking my problem to someone else or not. Either way, my stress level is drastically reduced, and no one feels hurt or badgered.
3) Ah - it's so hard to be perfect, to always play by the rules. Have I forgotten I have choices? If an environment does not suit me, I can quietly leave. Would that be rude? Why am I thinking anyone else is paying so much attention to me that it actually matters if I stay or not? Hmmm. Okay - be polite and stay. Not only stay, but join in -- the old "if you can't fight 'em, join 'em" mentality. Or, take opportunities when they arise to help get the meeting back on track. Lesson learned: Nothing in my life is a waste of time. I might discover that in its non-structured state, the content of the meeting does provide me with something worthwhile to take to heart. Or, I might get appreciation from other attendees for helping to get back to the focal point in a positive way. Nothing is lost, something is gained, and the time spent is worthwhile.
4) Only I can allow myself to be used. Lesson learned: When asked to do something -- including being the middle man in certain situations -- I can state that I prefer to decline. No explanation beyond "I do not want to," said in a mild tone, is necessary. When I have skills or knowledge that might be useful to someone, the most I should do is offer it and not be disappointed if it is not welcomed. Everyone has an agenda, and I need to stick to mine and step aside from theirs.
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