PTS – Disorder or Condition?

I am questioning the "D" in PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) -- is it really a "disorder?"  Sometimes I hear it referred to in a radio commercial simply as PTS, without the "D" attached, which is what got me thinking about this.

It seems to me the mind and body are doing what they should do as a defense mechanism by responding immediately to sounds, smells, or activities associated with something -- or someone – that a person views as a threat or is disturbing to witness.  Being nervous or anxious and other symptoms of PTS is in response to being protectively "on guard."

I wonder, then, if we are mis-using the word "disorder" for PTSD, which has a negative connotation.  For sure, it is going into an extreme mode.  But to me, it seems more like a "condition" needing to be tempered versus a "disorder" that needs to be reversed or stopped.

Copyright © March 2019 by  Maeke Ermarth

               Cheyenne, WY

Get Out ... Wise Up

No price tag can be placed on the value of mingling with and speaking to people.  So much wisdom is relayed through actions and words.  We learn how we would like to be, how we should be, how we do not want to be, and how we should not be.  We also learn how much we are like other people which can be crucial in finding out a lot about ourselves – sometimes to the point of that knowledge being mentally, emotionally, or spiritually stabilizing. 

In my second year of being a Realtor®, my office broker emphasized the importance of getting out and talking to the everyday person.  No classroom, books, or in-office chit chat could educate us to the level that communicating with and experiencing the home buying, selling or renting process with potential clients could.  Oh, was he right!  And what peace of mind and self-assurance that added insight provided.

Although retired, most days of the week I am volunteering in areas that keep me in contact with people from various backgrounds and experiences.  In college I majored in psychology just out of my curiosity of how the mind, body and soul connect – not to go into the field on a professional level.  Not surprising, then, my ultimate entertainment is watching how people interact with their own selves as well as how they interact with each other. 

So often, through my volunteer segments, I am around people suffering in some way emotionally, spiritually or psychologically.  And frequently I see people in counseling capacities doing more dis-service to these people than serving them well.  Do I think the “professionals” do this intentionally?  To be honest, for the most part – no.  But I am pretty sure some do.  After all, if it’s of monetary benefit, greed and even a need to feel important can become powerful culprits.

I cannot begin to fathom how many tens of thousands of dollars I have probably saved over the years thanks to the education on a variety of topics I have gained by chatting with people at work but also getting myself into groups in my spare time – bible studies, book clubs, being a member of the League of Women Voters, attending Al-Anon meetings, helping out at community yard sales, being in an exercise class, going on or attending community hikes/bike rides/events, volunteering at the jail and VA Medical Center.  A few lessons I’ve learned, for example, are:

- Warding off depression, anxiety, victimization, boredom and procrastination.

- Learning how to deal with the effects of drug or alcohol use.

- Learning about available resources, contractors and experts for just about everything.

- Learning that behaviors a counselor was convinced needed massive group therapy sessions turned out to simply be a female mid-life shift “cured” with less than a year’s worth of hormone replacements.

- Escalating back pain over 10 yrs. was helped immensely in a yoga class which sparked my curiosity about acupuncture.  Three acupuncture sessions and I’ve had no problem since that I could not quickly remedy myself.  Whew!  No more chiropractor appointments or potential surgery.

- Reducing chronic arthritis in hands and wrists, the pain of which was greatly reduced by not consuming night-shade plants (in my case, particularly tomatoes & white potatoes).

- Totaling eliminating residual pain in hands and wrists with one platelet-rich-plasma (PRP) treatment.

- Applying mentholated chest rub to toenails to get rid of fungus (no prescription needed).

- Learning amazingly cheap and short-cut cleaning tips.

- Finding simple and inexpensive ways to provide pet care:  distemper shots/drops, nail clipping, dental care, ear care.

Yes – get out and continue life’s never-ending education.  You will be impressed with the number and variety of benefits you will gain in doing so!

Copyright © February 2016 by Maeke Ermarth

                   Cheyenne, WY

Dealing with Afflictions

In speaking with several people lately, it has dawned on me that we naturally get "shaken" by times of focus.  Women friends getting all keyed up about hosting a Thanksgiving gathering -- the setting, will everyone like what is served, what to wear, how everyone will interact, etc.; friends attending the event elsewhere -- will people like what they bring, what should they wear, will so-and-so be there and, if so, how will that work out.  People dating -- what to wear, what to say, what are the boundaries, what if they want to leave early, how will they fit in if going to a social event.

        It occurred to me that what might be at the base of all of these feelings is the fear of people finding out our flaws (or what we perceive to be flaws).  When a person is an alcoholic, everyone watches to see how that person will handle its presence.  When someone is a diabetic, everyone watches to see how they handle food consumption.  When someone is self-conscious about anything, how will they compare to everyone else?  You get my gist.

         Thinking now about people with eating disorders, it appears to me that the ideal situation would be more buffet-style atmosphere that provides both food-as-wanted and an all-inclusive feeling of participation.  A place where people can nibble, not eat anything but just socialize, or totally indulge -- and all of these actions being acceptable and normal and having no expectations.  My personal part as a family member or friend to the person with the disorder would be to let my person know that I am aware of the disorder but let him/her know I find it no big deal to obsess over but rather something the afflicted person needs to handle wisely in a manner that feels comfortable to her. Over time comes the recognition that what we think people are watching and thinking  is exaggerated in our own minds, and we reach a point where we stop obsessing about ourselves and start enjoying life while at the same time taking good care of ourselves. 

          I have a lot of respect for people who ask for what they need.  I can work my life around what is best for both of us if I know what my friend needs, and sometimes I need to ask what that might be.  Years ago a recovering alcoholic confided in me that she is more inclined to attend functions if someone she knows will also refrain, as she has to, from drinking anything alcoholic.  She feels less conspicuous if there is another adult not indulging.  She has now found that often times other attendees feel less pressured to drink, and therefore don't.  The sense of being the focus of attention, then, is diffused and eventually totally eliminated.

          When I am with friends or acquaintances who have any kind of noticeable disability, we do what needs to be done to accommodate the disability without making it a big deal, and it lessens the amount of "gawking" from outsiders.  It provides a feeling of being normal -- which it is, given the circumstances.  Here is the disability, and here is how we handle it so we, too, can enjoy ourselves -- just like everyone else!

          If someone I lived with had an eating problem, I would leave it up to her (or him) to buy what she wants, let her eat when the desire to do so hits, and be available to be an "ear" whenever she wants to talk about it.  However, I would also retain my own routine because it is one that suits me best.  In a nutshell, the understanding would be that we would just accommodate each other's needs and ways of handling the situation if they are within reason and do-able.

           A person grows into feeling good about herself and becomes less concerned about how they are perceived by others.  I think some awareness will always be present as it actually serves a purpose by keeping us from going too far in one direction or another, but it is reduced to the point where living is more free and unencumbered. 

            If you are a person with an affliction of any kind, let others know what you need from them in order to help yourself heal.  If you recognize that someone has an affliction and is suffering from it, ask them what you can do to help them recover.  No one can know what they do not know.  All too often we assume people know more than they do.  Like most things in life, it's a two-way street, and we have to communicate in order to start going in the right direction.

Maeke Ermarth ©November 22, 2012

            Fairfax, VA

Expectations and Self Esteem

When I apply the "keep the focus on myself" concept, I go to a better "place."  When I either retain or create expectations of myself and give up expectations of anyone else, I find myself in a better frame of mind and heightened self esteem.  It coincides with all the times I have heard people say each person needs to take care of his/her side of the street, and let everyone else take care of theirs.  This may be harder for a parent to do because children will always be, in a parent's eyes, children -- regardless of age or position -- in need of parenting!  But, in reality, parents need to do this, too.

My initial gut feeling is that a good many people are irresponsible or miguided and that in order for a society to remain somewhat civil and functioning reasonably well, the competent members need to be the caretakers.  So, which is better -- having a populace that lives in a slipshod fashion and sticks to old habits, or having one that admires the characteristics of upstanding members to the extent that they change their own lives to emulate these role models?  I find the second choice more promising and lasting.  With that in mind, I find it easier to monitor myself to be as good an example as I can be and accept that other people need to choose their own life experiences.  Hopefully their choices will be to follow in an honorable role model's footsteps.

Is it better, then, to not have expectations?  I can learn not to have expectations of other people, but it is detrimental to my progress if I do not set expectations of and for myself.  I will keep learning better ways of thinking and perceiving that give me both greater understanding and peace of mind.  I will make it clear where I stand and how I feel about situations while not demanding that anyone adopt my ways for him/herself.  I will respect our differences but not allow myself to be drawn into situations that, or around people who, cause me angst.  Those are expectations I can make for myself that will make me feel I am doing and being the best I can.  Feeling that way increases my self esteem and gives me the impetus to keep striving for a good personal quality of life.

Message to Kids Regarding Disasters and Tragedies

Hi Kids -

We've all been hearing so much about happenings in Japan recently.  Much of it is enough to scare even the bravest person.  When I was a young girl in Florida, we experienced a couple severe hurricanes; and after my family moved to Maryland, we would hear about more hurricanes that affected friends and relatives (including my oldest sister who remained living there).  So, I can sympathize with probably just about every emotion you are feeling.

I learned about the strength of weather and "natural disasters," and I also learned how much I cared about other people because of the sadness I felt when other people were suffering, and the joy and relief I felt when other people heard or found good news.  Over and over again, that has helped make me feel okay to cry, smile, worry, and feel relieved.  It is the caring about other people that brings us all together and leaves no one behind.  We forget about our differences and concentrate on making each other safe and comfortable.  Isn't that a wonderful thing?  Rescue groups come to help bring medical care, food, and shelter.  Many people help set up shelters; rebuild homes and towns; restore order; bring displaced friends, relatives, and even strangers into their own homes until things settle back down; and provide support and compassion to people grieving the loss of loved ones.  

Nothing will take away the pain and concern of disasters and tragedies.  But we can find comfort in knowing that everyone is doing as much as they can.  Sometimes that means not doing or going anywhere so emergency teams can arrive and act more quickly.  So never feel helpless.  By staying put and being calm, you are providing a quicker recovery for those in need.  If there is an activity for helping in which you can participate and you choose to do so, that is also fine.  It will likely be made up of other people who have the same concerns and hopes as you.

What I am saying is that it is okay to be feeling whatever you are feeling.  Just leave a little room in your thoughts to also consider all the things people are doing to try to keep problems from being worse and that, in our own way, each of us is contributing in a good way both individually and as a part of a big group!  In some way, we are all in this together.  That deserves a smile.

Written by Maeke Ermarth - March 19, 2011

         Copyright © 2011 - Fairfax, VA