PTS – Disorder or Condition?

I am questioning the "D" in PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) -- is it really a "disorder?"  Sometimes I hear it referred to in a radio commercial simply as PTS, without the "D" attached, which is what got me thinking about this.

It seems to me the mind and body are doing what they should do as a defense mechanism by responding immediately to sounds, smells, or activities associated with something -- or someone – that a person views as a threat or is disturbing to witness.  Being nervous or anxious and other symptoms of PTS is in response to being protectively "on guard."

I wonder, then, if we are mis-using the word "disorder" for PTSD, which has a negative connotation.  For sure, it is going into an extreme mode.  But to me, it seems more like a "condition" needing to be tempered versus a "disorder" that needs to be reversed or stopped.

Copyright © March 2019 by  Maeke Ermarth

               Cheyenne, WY

Targeting Young Black Men - A Parent's Conversation

This week on Facebook was a video posted of a mother talking to her son about police profiling young black men with a comment that no mother should have to have that conversation with her son.  True, because “wise” people will examine all angles.  1) Why are young black men primarily the ones confronted?  2) Exactly who are the police protecting?  3) In the wide-angle lens, who is asking for protection?  Don’t jump on a bandwagon based only on “surface” information or from initial emotional feelings.  Do a little digging before solidifying your own point of view.  1) Young black men commit the majority of the crimes, proportionately – statistically proven time and again.  2) The police protect the public – that includes people who work in places of business, live on any given street, and who are being preyed upon by criminals.  3) Most help is requested from people being harmed or threatened or who in some other way are in need of assistance.

For years we lived just outside of Washington, DC.  It is not uncommon for small businesses where people approaching the establishment can be readily seen for even the black owners or employees to engage their automatic locking systems when they see black teens and men entering their places if of a certain age, clothed or acting a certain way, etc.  Most crime committed against a black victim is done by other black people.  When people of one race are skeptical about others of their own race, it boils down to learning who is most likely a threat or who is likely to be harmless.   The kid in the video says he stays indoors a good part of the time.  But if he’s not running with a gang (which would offer protection – so the thinking goes), he’s acting the way many other people his in his environment act because they are more likely to be targets of the rougher youngsters on the block than they are targets for the police. 

Keep in mind that the police protect most law-abiding residents, and that includes black residents.  It might be surprising to find statistics of how many officers are injured or killed while defending one black person against another.  Oh yeah, those facts are overlooked, aren’t they?  Rarely does the news media show stories of blacks who are grateful for service they were given from the police, and yet you can find those people every … single … day.  Probably even every … single … minute somewhere in these United States.

There used to be more stories and documentaries on public TV where neighborhoods, realizing their police departments were short staffed, took it upon themselves to set a higher standard for how to live and speak in their communities.  Realistic, responsible adults took on leadership roles to “clean up the hood” and be role models.  They did not buy into the pity parties that led to a victim mentality.  No.  They saw things for what they were, pushed up their shirt sleeves, and took care of business.

And it was not just the older adults getting involved.  Remember that in the late 1970s the Guardian Angels group was formed.  They still exist today.  They were very successful in NYC, and they became recognized worldwide (and still are).  These were mostly young thugs -- or people who would’ve potentially been good thugs -- who were fed up with crime and also fed up with no one jumping in to help alleviate the problem versus sitting back and just bitching or even adding to it.  Inaction or complacency can sometimes be just as harmful as the crimes being committed.  Requests from all over came in for the Guardian Angels’ assistance, and groups of Angels were formed in numerous places.  “Google” up the Guardian Angels to read about their history and also see their current web site depicting how they are still active today.  They continue to go through three months of training and remain loyal to and respectful of rules and rituals.  It’s worth learning about them, or recalling them to memory for those of us who already know about them.

So, the conversation every mother should have with her teen – male or female – is how to be a responsible, productive person; and accept the fact that sometimes the way you are treated is not against you personally but is based on the perception other people your age and color have imprinted on the minds of others.  Instead of always expecting other people to understand you, start trying to understand them!  If the perception is wrong where it concerns you, then behave in a way that will show others that you are the exception.  Then go a little further and step up to be a role model instead of someone hiding behind doors, expecting someone else to take care of unpleasant realities.

Many police departments provide the “ride along” program where a citizen can ride along with an officer during part of a shift.  I highly suggest everyone do that at least once.  I’ve done it, and the view can look a lot different when you’re in the other seat. 

Bottom line for every individual:  Be respectful and trustworthy towards others, and pray others will be respectful and trustworthy, too.

Copyright © December 2014 by Maeke Ermarth

               Ocean City, Maryland

Dealing with Afflictions

In speaking with several people lately, it has dawned on me that we naturally get "shaken" by times of focus.  Women friends getting all keyed up about hosting a Thanksgiving gathering -- the setting, will everyone like what is served, what to wear, how everyone will interact, etc.; friends attending the event elsewhere -- will people like what they bring, what should they wear, will so-and-so be there and, if so, how will that work out.  People dating -- what to wear, what to say, what are the boundaries, what if they want to leave early, how will they fit in if going to a social event.

        It occurred to me that what might be at the base of all of these feelings is the fear of people finding out our flaws (or what we perceive to be flaws).  When a person is an alcoholic, everyone watches to see how that person will handle its presence.  When someone is a diabetic, everyone watches to see how they handle food consumption.  When someone is self-conscious about anything, how will they compare to everyone else?  You get my gist.

         Thinking now about people with eating disorders, it appears to me that the ideal situation would be more buffet-style atmosphere that provides both food-as-wanted and an all-inclusive feeling of participation.  A place where people can nibble, not eat anything but just socialize, or totally indulge -- and all of these actions being acceptable and normal and having no expectations.  My personal part as a family member or friend to the person with the disorder would be to let my person know that I am aware of the disorder but let him/her know I find it no big deal to obsess over but rather something the afflicted person needs to handle wisely in a manner that feels comfortable to her. Over time comes the recognition that what we think people are watching and thinking  is exaggerated in our own minds, and we reach a point where we stop obsessing about ourselves and start enjoying life while at the same time taking good care of ourselves. 

          I have a lot of respect for people who ask for what they need.  I can work my life around what is best for both of us if I know what my friend needs, and sometimes I need to ask what that might be.  Years ago a recovering alcoholic confided in me that she is more inclined to attend functions if someone she knows will also refrain, as she has to, from drinking anything alcoholic.  She feels less conspicuous if there is another adult not indulging.  She has now found that often times other attendees feel less pressured to drink, and therefore don't.  The sense of being the focus of attention, then, is diffused and eventually totally eliminated.

          When I am with friends or acquaintances who have any kind of noticeable disability, we do what needs to be done to accommodate the disability without making it a big deal, and it lessens the amount of "gawking" from outsiders.  It provides a feeling of being normal -- which it is, given the circumstances.  Here is the disability, and here is how we handle it so we, too, can enjoy ourselves -- just like everyone else!

          If someone I lived with had an eating problem, I would leave it up to her (or him) to buy what she wants, let her eat when the desire to do so hits, and be available to be an "ear" whenever she wants to talk about it.  However, I would also retain my own routine because it is one that suits me best.  In a nutshell, the understanding would be that we would just accommodate each other's needs and ways of handling the situation if they are within reason and do-able.

           A person grows into feeling good about herself and becomes less concerned about how they are perceived by others.  I think some awareness will always be present as it actually serves a purpose by keeping us from going too far in one direction or another, but it is reduced to the point where living is more free and unencumbered. 

            If you are a person with an affliction of any kind, let others know what you need from them in order to help yourself heal.  If you recognize that someone has an affliction and is suffering from it, ask them what you can do to help them recover.  No one can know what they do not know.  All too often we assume people know more than they do.  Like most things in life, it's a two-way street, and we have to communicate in order to start going in the right direction.

Maeke Ermarth ©November 22, 2012

            Fairfax, VA

Suicide -- Is It a Taboo?

How do people view or react to acts of suicide?  Everyone's "truth" is different as it is an accumulation of personal experience combined with education, hearsay, culture and spirituality.  Is suicide a "taboo?"  My guess is that in general it is -- worldwide, even.  But I also know from a personal experience that how it is viewed depends on where a person resides, spritual connectedness, or how other people react to it. 

 

I grew up (age 4-12) in Winter Garden, FL, which was a pretty caring and sharing town in the 1950s and 1960s (and hopefully still is).  When I was in the fifth grade, a classmate's mother committed suicide.  She suffered seizures and other afflictions.  I recall the townspeople being "neighborly" -- taking over meals upon occasion, helping keep the kids busy with activities, etc.  In essence, they were "family."  When the mother died, there was no shame.  Surviving family and friends did not hide the fact of suicide.  They allowed their grief to flow and welcomed support and understanding offered to them.  No one needed to feel shame or blame, no "secret" had to be kept, no judgements of condemnation were made. 

 

The town folks handled this tragedy, as well as many other circumstances, as a happening that needed to be accepted and handled with compassion, dignity and respect.  Suicide, to our community, did not mean a lack of love or an act of revenge.  It simply meant the person was in too much pain to want to keep going, and no mortal (our religious upbringing) can determine what an individual can or cannot handle.  That is a dialogue and decision between the suffering person and God.

 

So for me, and for likely many other people who are fortunate enough to have such an indoctrination, suicide is not a "taboo."  In the worldly picture, though, I realize that it is.  I was a listener on a suicide hotline for four years, and many of our calls were from family members and friends (survivors) who did not feel they could have a conversation with anyone else about the suicide of their relatives or friends.  I find many people have trouble even saying the word "suicide."  

 

My thinking, based on my experiences, is that the act of committing suicide is not actually a taboo but rather is the inability of survivors to talk about it and for listeners to hear about it because it causes people to uncomfortably realize how frail and vulnerable the human being is.  We prefer to feel and think we are strong and empowered because slipping away from that can mean we are giving in and giving up.  Our natural instinct is to survive, and giving in or giving up goes against our DNA which, in turn, may cause a judgement label of "wrong" or "bad."

 

Praise God for the people and places He has placed in my life so that I am not haunted or silenced by events that are parts of living that should be recognized and improved.  I plan to always be involved to some degree in programs that can help take away the stigma of a variety of woes people suffer -- providing in-home care as a Certified Nursing Assistant to mostly elderly people with Alzheimer's disease, being a long-time member of Al-anon, volunteering at the local VA hospital, being politically involved in some of these issues, and more.  These are all existing realities in life, and shame on any of us who try to ignore or dismiss them.  They, too, deserve loving, caring and open attention.  ~  Maeke