Does Utopia Exist?

The topic of one of my college courses taken many years ago was “Utopia.”  The class came to believe after many readings and discussions that utopia, at best, is a short-lived phenomenon.  Jump forward 18 years, and I now beg to differ.  In this world of people wanting precise definitions and everyone being on board to having the same definition, I again accept being the odd (wo)man out. 

As most who know me know, I spend a portion of my year on the east coast and the remainder in WY in our permanent residence.  Due to a family marriage, my 4-month stint (stretched into five) was done earlier than usual this year, giving me the full summer indulgence of being bordered with the ocean on the east, bay on the west, and large pond on the north of me.  (That alone is utopia to the lady who opts to be a dolphin in her next life.)  

During this year’s stay, I had conversations and experiences with a few friends that caused me to look deeply at my life from several angles.  Older friends reminded me that life is short, and gets shorter every day, so enjoy what I can.  A couple other friends reminded me that there can be stagnation and unwanted compromise and submission as years roll by.

Having always felt blessed by people who have come into or even just crossed my path prompted me to bring to my husband my desire to spend more time in the east coast residence these next two years.  Luckily, he understands my love for this environment equals his love for the mountains and the western way of life and supports my desire as it will include back-home trips in-between the times he opts not to join me in the east.

A few people are fascinated by this.  But the bottom line resides in the fact that the more I am granted freedom by people who surround me, the more attached I remain to them.  That’s not to say I shun what I consider responsibilities any person in a relationship -- despite what kind of relationship that might be -- should uphold.  But it does mean cherishing the love that allows someone else to let me experience people, places and things that are important to my mind, body and soul.  Through love, I grant the same to others.

Utopia?  I’ve found it because, for me, it lies in the quality of circumstances and people that/who surround me.  Family members and friends guide me, my husband and people I care about give back to me the freedoms and respect I give them, and I remain involved with groups that throughout life help me make the changes in and about myself that need changing so I can better walk the walk I talk.  Being forever impressed by and with the universe and basically thankful has certainly brought Utopia into my life permanently.

Copyright © September 2015 by Maeke Ermarth

               Ocean City, Maryland

Targeting Young Black Men - A Parent's Conversation

This week on Facebook was a video posted of a mother talking to her son about police profiling young black men with a comment that no mother should have to have that conversation with her son.  True, because “wise” people will examine all angles.  1) Why are young black men primarily the ones confronted?  2) Exactly who are the police protecting?  3) In the wide-angle lens, who is asking for protection?  Don’t jump on a bandwagon based only on “surface” information or from initial emotional feelings.  Do a little digging before solidifying your own point of view.  1) Young black men commit the majority of the crimes, proportionately – statistically proven time and again.  2) The police protect the public – that includes people who work in places of business, live on any given street, and who are being preyed upon by criminals.  3) Most help is requested from people being harmed or threatened or who in some other way are in need of assistance.

For years we lived just outside of Washington, DC.  It is not uncommon for small businesses where people approaching the establishment can be readily seen for even the black owners or employees to engage their automatic locking systems when they see black teens and men entering their places if of a certain age, clothed or acting a certain way, etc.  Most crime committed against a black victim is done by other black people.  When people of one race are skeptical about others of their own race, it boils down to learning who is most likely a threat or who is likely to be harmless.   The kid in the video says he stays indoors a good part of the time.  But if he’s not running with a gang (which would offer protection – so the thinking goes), he’s acting the way many other people his in his environment act because they are more likely to be targets of the rougher youngsters on the block than they are targets for the police. 

Keep in mind that the police protect most law-abiding residents, and that includes black residents.  It might be surprising to find statistics of how many officers are injured or killed while defending one black person against another.  Oh yeah, those facts are overlooked, aren’t they?  Rarely does the news media show stories of blacks who are grateful for service they were given from the police, and yet you can find those people every … single … day.  Probably even every … single … minute somewhere in these United States.

There used to be more stories and documentaries on public TV where neighborhoods, realizing their police departments were short staffed, took it upon themselves to set a higher standard for how to live and speak in their communities.  Realistic, responsible adults took on leadership roles to “clean up the hood” and be role models.  They did not buy into the pity parties that led to a victim mentality.  No.  They saw things for what they were, pushed up their shirt sleeves, and took care of business.

And it was not just the older adults getting involved.  Remember that in the late 1970s the Guardian Angels group was formed.  They still exist today.  They were very successful in NYC, and they became recognized worldwide (and still are).  These were mostly young thugs -- or people who would’ve potentially been good thugs -- who were fed up with crime and also fed up with no one jumping in to help alleviate the problem versus sitting back and just bitching or even adding to it.  Inaction or complacency can sometimes be just as harmful as the crimes being committed.  Requests from all over came in for the Guardian Angels’ assistance, and groups of Angels were formed in numerous places.  “Google” up the Guardian Angels to read about their history and also see their current web site depicting how they are still active today.  They continue to go through three months of training and remain loyal to and respectful of rules and rituals.  It’s worth learning about them, or recalling them to memory for those of us who already know about them.

So, the conversation every mother should have with her teen – male or female – is how to be a responsible, productive person; and accept the fact that sometimes the way you are treated is not against you personally but is based on the perception other people your age and color have imprinted on the minds of others.  Instead of always expecting other people to understand you, start trying to understand them!  If the perception is wrong where it concerns you, then behave in a way that will show others that you are the exception.  Then go a little further and step up to be a role model instead of someone hiding behind doors, expecting someone else to take care of unpleasant realities.

Many police departments provide the “ride along” program where a citizen can ride along with an officer during part of a shift.  I highly suggest everyone do that at least once.  I’ve done it, and the view can look a lot different when you’re in the other seat. 

Bottom line for every individual:  Be respectful and trustworthy towards others, and pray others will be respectful and trustworthy, too.

Copyright © December 2014 by Maeke Ermarth

               Ocean City, Maryland

Suicide -- Is It a Taboo?

How do people view or react to acts of suicide?  Everyone's "truth" is different as it is an accumulation of personal experience combined with education, hearsay, culture and spirituality.  Is suicide a "taboo?"  My guess is that in general it is -- worldwide, even.  But I also know from a personal experience that how it is viewed depends on where a person resides, spritual connectedness, or how other people react to it. 

 

I grew up (age 4-12) in Winter Garden, FL, which was a pretty caring and sharing town in the 1950s and 1960s (and hopefully still is).  When I was in the fifth grade, a classmate's mother committed suicide.  She suffered seizures and other afflictions.  I recall the townspeople being "neighborly" -- taking over meals upon occasion, helping keep the kids busy with activities, etc.  In essence, they were "family."  When the mother died, there was no shame.  Surviving family and friends did not hide the fact of suicide.  They allowed their grief to flow and welcomed support and understanding offered to them.  No one needed to feel shame or blame, no "secret" had to be kept, no judgements of condemnation were made. 

 

The town folks handled this tragedy, as well as many other circumstances, as a happening that needed to be accepted and handled with compassion, dignity and respect.  Suicide, to our community, did not mean a lack of love or an act of revenge.  It simply meant the person was in too much pain to want to keep going, and no mortal (our religious upbringing) can determine what an individual can or cannot handle.  That is a dialogue and decision between the suffering person and God.

 

So for me, and for likely many other people who are fortunate enough to have such an indoctrination, suicide is not a "taboo."  In the worldly picture, though, I realize that it is.  I was a listener on a suicide hotline for four years, and many of our calls were from family members and friends (survivors) who did not feel they could have a conversation with anyone else about the suicide of their relatives or friends.  I find many people have trouble even saying the word "suicide."  

 

My thinking, based on my experiences, is that the act of committing suicide is not actually a taboo but rather is the inability of survivors to talk about it and for listeners to hear about it because it causes people to uncomfortably realize how frail and vulnerable the human being is.  We prefer to feel and think we are strong and empowered because slipping away from that can mean we are giving in and giving up.  Our natural instinct is to survive, and giving in or giving up goes against our DNA which, in turn, may cause a judgement label of "wrong" or "bad."

 

Praise God for the people and places He has placed in my life so that I am not haunted or silenced by events that are parts of living that should be recognized and improved.  I plan to always be involved to some degree in programs that can help take away the stigma of a variety of woes people suffer -- providing in-home care as a Certified Nursing Assistant to mostly elderly people with Alzheimer's disease, being a long-time member of Al-anon, volunteering at the local VA hospital, being politically involved in some of these issues, and more.  These are all existing realities in life, and shame on any of us who try to ignore or dismiss them.  They, too, deserve loving, caring and open attention.  ~  Maeke